Further Humourous Gleanings

article from Issue No. 31/2007 for Sunday 5th August

My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I've just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me RELIGION
"You'd better pray that comes out of the carpet."

My mother taught me LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your dinner."

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me about WEATHER
"It's as if a tornado went through your room."

My mother taught me PHYSICS
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming towards you, would you listen then?"

My mother taught me IRONY
"Stop crying or I'll give you something to really cry about."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
"If I've told you once, I must have told you a million times - don't exaggerate."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear - in case you're in an accident."

[Times Global Village]